I just turned 20 and am still questioning my gender. For four years now I’ve been questioning my gender. I have been stuck in my own head. Trapped within this body. Shoved further into the closet.
I know 20 is still young.
I know some people don’t figure it out until they’re 60.
I know.
But for right now, time is against me.
Every day is a battle with dysphoria.
Every day is a loss to dysphoria.
I’m no longer a teen. I am no longer a teen and because of dysphoria I’ve never been on a date. I’ve never answered the phone from the voice I should have. I’ve never gone swimming without a shirt on. I’ve never watched football with the guys or went to see a wrestling match with my brothers. I’ve never been called Uncle by my nieces. I’ve never looked in the mirror and felt
good.
I’ve lost my youth to being trans.
I’m always comparing myself to others. Seeing other trans guys who are much further in their transitions than I am. Trans guys who are still in highschool. Who have either been on T for years, have had their legal name changed, gotten top surgery, had lower surgery consultations, entered college stealth, whatever.
I know it’s not a race.
But I feel alone.
So alone.
I feel behind.
I’m getting older and older, but not getting any closer to understanding who I want to be.
I’ve had friends drop me off at places where i don’t live, because i didn’t want to trouble them anymore than i have
People have gotten my name wrong when ordering food or like anybody at all and I don’t correct them so they think my name Alice when it’s actually Allison
I’ve decided to sit in the car during social events so I won’t have to interact with anyone, but I still got weird stares from people walking by, so I would lean my seat all the way back so no one could see me.
I’ve literally been called the wrong name at my dance studio since I started because I was too anxious to say anything. There’s a whole bunch of stuff but yea
I GOT ONE
placing tissues under my desk because I didn’t want to walk to the other end of the room to throw them away because I didn’t want people to look at me
Literally pinching my nose and praying while my nose is bleeding during a study hall because I was to nervous to ask where the tissues were
Slept in my car because my house was alarmed and I didn’t want to have to ask someone to disarm it and inconvenience them or call a friend and bother them
every single negative stereotype about women was dreamt up by men who were projecting. fight me about it.
“women can’t drive”
It is so well known that women are better and safer drivers than men that OUR CAR INSURANCE RATES ARE LOWER. Women get into fewer accidents, get fewer DUIs, and receive fewer speeding tickets than men.
“women never shut up”
Several scientific studies have shown that not only do men talk more than women, they also think that women have been talking for much longer than they actually have. Men interrupt and talk over women, dominate conversations, and still think women talk too much.
“women are shallow”
Lol next
“my wife is my ball and chain lmao”
Multiple studies have shown that marriage between men and women: Increases male lifespan, decreases female lifespan Decreases male depression rates, increases female depression rates Decreases male stress levels, increases female stress levels Increases male health and happiness, decreases female health and happiness Increases a man’s chance of getting a raise or promotion, decreases a woman’s chances of getting a raise or promotion
“women are too emotional”
Men love to say this about women after hurting them, in order to shift the blame and dismiss their feelings in one go. In reality, women are taught to hold our tongues and control ourselves quite literally from birth. We’re taught to put men’s needs and wants ahead of our own emotions regardless of the personal cost. Men are taught to do more or less whatever the fuck they want to women. Men take their emotions out on women while women are expected to shove theirs down.
I could go on and on but I don’t really think I need to.
“women are shallow” (just read the book, Dataclysm. by okcupid founder (?) that includes data about sex, gender, race, in finding online romantic partners)
I agree with most of these but I do at to mention that men from birth are also taught not to express any emotion that is ‘feminine’ so they can only express anger. Therefore they also are less likely to seek help for mental illnesses and won’t report domestic abuse because they will be seen as weak or not taken serious. Women have been systematically oppressed don’t get me wrong but men can also suffer from the negative gender stereotypes and roles
intersectionality is important and what you’re saying is true, but it’s an unnecessary derailment from the point of this post. this is about a specific expression of misogyny, it’s about women and something men put on them, and you don’t need to change the subject or broaden it when what you’re saying can be and is spoken about in other posts and circles of discussion. you’re not wrong in a larger scale but this isn’t the place.
It is the place if I want to share the post and my take on it. It’s my blog, i wanted to repost because it’s important but not without clarifying that there are other problems and factors. If you didn’t like my addition you could just reblog from the source
every single negative stereotype about women was dreamt up by men who were projecting. fight me about it.
“women can’t drive”
It is so well known that women are better and safer drivers than men that OUR CAR INSURANCE RATES ARE LOWER. Women get into fewer accidents, get fewer DUIs, and receive fewer speeding tickets than men.
“women never shut up”
Several scientific studies have shown that not only do men talk more than women, they also think that women have been talking for much longer than they actually have. Men interrupt and talk over women, dominate conversations, and still think women talk too much.
“women are shallow”
Lol next
“my wife is my ball and chain lmao”
Multiple studies have shown that marriage between men and women: Increases male lifespan, decreases female lifespan Decreases male depression rates, increases female depression rates Decreases male stress levels, increases female stress levels Increases male health and happiness, decreases female health and happiness Increases a man’s chance of getting a raise or promotion, decreases a woman’s chances of getting a raise or promotion
“women are too emotional”
Men love to say this about women after hurting them, in order to shift the blame and dismiss their feelings in one go. In reality, women are taught to hold our tongues and control ourselves quite literally from birth. We’re taught to put men’s needs and wants ahead of our own emotions regardless of the personal cost. Men are taught to do more or less whatever the fuck they want to women. Men take their emotions out on women while women are expected to shove theirs down.
I could go on and on but I don’t really think I need to.
“women are shallow” (just read the book, Dataclysm. by okcupid founder (?) that includes data about sex, gender, race, in finding online romantic partners)
I agree with most of these but I do at to mention that men from birth are also taught not to express any emotion that is ‘feminine’ so they can only express anger. Therefore they also are less likely to seek help for mental illnesses and won’t report domestic abuse because they will be seen as weak or not taken serious. Women have been systematically oppressed don’t get me wrong but men can also suffer from the negative gender stereotypes and roles
